Tips for children’s mental health

Effects of social isolation, stress on the brain: 

Stress causes a drop in oxytocin, the hormone of attachment and social connection; it increases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline – which can cause the negative effects on the brain, but also increase blood pressure, breathing and heart rate, interfere with sleep and put a child in a permanent fight or flight mode. 

The big question is how can we counter these negative effects and help children feel happy and calm, take them out of fight or flight and into rest and relax mode?

Here are some ideas for increasing oxytocin and the “calm and happy” neurotransmitters serotonin and GABA:

Lots of cuddles for connection
Skin to skin contact with your younger children will increase oxytocin, and calm down their heart rate and breathing. Make time for family time: read a book on the sofa or play a board game, look at photo albums to relive happy memories, and see people you miss. Video calls with loved ones are better than no contact at all – but the real life connection of talking, hugging, and laughing together is what will increase your oxytocin the most. And remember – it is not just young children – your teenagers still crave attention and love and will benefit from positive time spent with you, talking about life. 

Create a social bubble and have another family join you in play and meals and activities. If you are in lockdown join online activities, groups – check out digitallunchbreak.nsw.gov.au for lots of options for engaging your children in safe online social activities. Connection is essential for developing the social parts of the brain, so make sure your child has social interaction every single day.  

Warm baths (add magnesium flakes for extra relaxation)

And massage increase oxytocin. Young children will calm down beautifully when you just stroke the inside edge of their feet gently for a few minutes.  

Time in Nature
Many doctors are giving out “green prescriptions” to fight anxiety and stress: after just 10-20 minutes of walking in a forest or playing in a park your endorphins surge and you feel calmer, less anxious, your focus and concentration improve and you become better at creative problem-solving. So get out into nature every day – go for a walk, or, if you are allowed to venture further away go for a hike on weekends, play in the garden, plant seeds in a box and watch them grow. Exercise can be as effective as an antidepressant in reducing anxiety, stress, and low moods. Your children need at least 1 hour of exercise a day, more is always better. An added benefit from exercise is a boost to the immune system, with increased white blood cells and antibodies to fight infection.

Here are some ideas for Green Play: 

·       Walk, bike, scooter in the park

·       Playground

·       Skip rope or kick a ball in the backyard

·       Climb a tree

·       Build a sandcastle

·       Surf, swim, paddle

·       Go for a hike, walk the dog

·       Grow a (veggie) garden

·       Camping – in your backyard?

Predictable routine reduces cortisol and increases serotonin

One of the most unsettling things is a sense of loss of control over your life, as you can no longer participate in the usual schedule of activities, social gatherings, school, work, etc.  Making a plan or schedule for the day or the week can help to break up the seemingly never-ending social isolation. Sit down with your children, brainstorm about ideas for activities, draw them on cards or write them down and then decide together when you will do what. I found it very comforting to draw a new plan for the next week every Sunday night – jotting down times to work, walk, do yoga, dancing (even if just in the living room), drawing, reading, watching movies and a regular bedtime. Also plan breaks. If your child is learning online, or you are working online, I recommend the pomodoro technique: study for 50 minutes, then get up and move around for 10 minutes. This will give your body, your brain and your eyes a much needed break and your children (and you) actually end up learning better and being more productive. So if you feel a bit lost, make a plan, stick to a predictable routine, and this may just give your children the structure they need to feel safe. 

Manage screen time

With home office, homeschooling and home everything, we spend too many hours on screens every day. This is not ideal for children. Online activities like dance and art classes, counseling, and therapies (speech, OT) are convenient when you cannot leave the home.  We should resist the temptation to allow our kids to hang out on screens all day long and to use them as babysitters. The more time a child spends on screen before they are 3 years old, the higher the risk that this child will get a diagnosis of ADHD. What young children need most is to develop their social brain and a screen cannot replace the eye contact, cuddles, and conversation of a real person. Make a family plan and model good digital etiquette – for example no screens at mealtimes, on walks, at playtime. I know it is hard, but try and increase time off screens by finding non digital activities. Here are a few ideas: Board games, drawing, puzzles, Lego, building blocks…

Sleep

During sleep your child’s brain develops, clears out toxins and dead cells, while also solidifying memories. This is an important time and you should not underestimate the importance of sleep for optimal development, mood, behaviour, and even immunity. Make sure your child gets as much sleep as he or she needs to wake rested and happy and to sustain energy throughout the day. This is also important for you – sleep deprivation is a torture method, it induces anxiety, depression and worse. So make sure you get your sleep. Here are tips for how to get your children to sleep well. 

Breathing

Learn to take slow deep breaths through your nose – this can calm your anxiety within a minute. The brand new book by James Nestor called “Breath” is a fascinating read about the importance of breathing correctly, and the research on how breathing can calm you when you are anxious or upset,  just as it can reduce stress, and give you energy. 

Kindness is needed now more than ever

The lesson we need to learn from these difficult and uncertain times is to be kinder to people around us, and also to ourselves. One practical way of bringing more kindness into our homes is with positive parenting, rather than punishment. The Triple P or Positive Parenting Programme is a well researched parenting approach that helps parents work with their children to solve issues at home, rather than fighting. You can join Triple P groups on line or do individual work with a counselor. To start with a simple positive parenting exercise see “The marble jar” on my website. 

Eat yourself happy

With a nutrient rich whole foods diet. More on that will be found in my about-to-be-released video. Vitamin C for example from berries, tomatoes and broccoli, antioxidants from red peppers, onion and carrots, and fibre from plant foods boost your immune system and feed a healthy gut flora. Work towards your child eating 5 handful of vegetables a day – there is nothing more powerful to improve their overall health, mood, and behaviour. 

Supplements?

If you eat a whole foods diet you should be able to meet all your nutrient needs. If your child is unwell or looks very pale your doctor can check for specific nutrients, like iron, zinc, or B12 and if your child is deficient you may need to use a supplement for a while.   Everyone should make sure that their vitamin D level is optimal, either by having safe sun exposure or – in the winter months – by taking a vitamin D supplement. There are many studies that have shown that those with good vitamin D levels get less sick with covid-19 and the same is true for other infections. There are many immune boosting supplements available which can help if your child gets sick (for example the ones I reviewed for staying healthy in the winter). But do start with a healthy diet and lifestyle and you may not need to supplement. 

 

So if you are struggling with stress due to corona, try some of the tips above to help your children feel healthier, calmer and happier.